Ruby’s Delicious Pot Roast

I apologize for the delay, my dear friends. My real life got in the way of my virtual life.

Seemed appropriate.

Before I officially begin today’s ramble, I wanted to announce to everyone that I found where they keep the egg noodles at my local grocery store…

…They were in the international foods aisle. They had brands upon brands of egg noodles. I should have taken a picture; but grocery shopping always consumes me in an overwhelming, panicked state of paranoia, and I forgot to document such an important discovery.

Anyway, I guess the weirdo, “yolk free” noodles are kept in the pasta section. Freaks.

Also, as I was bagging my groceries this week, I beaned myself in the eye with a bag of pears. Yes, it hurt a lot and I might have seen stars when the pears made contact.

How does one almost get a black eye from their produce, you may ask? Basically, I felt the pressure to bag all of the things all at once and I guess I swung the bag of not-yet-ripe pears too close and nailed myself in the face.

This is how I reacted on the inside.

While my world came to a stand still, no one said a word. The cashier just kept scanning my goods and my fellow grocery patrons behind me were dead silent. Meanwhile, I had to stand there for a full two minutes with my eyes closed, attempting some deep zen-breathing. Finally, I was able to see out of my right eye again and sheepishly continued bagging as my eye watered like Old Faithful.

I probably made some people watcher’s day though. You’re welcome for the free entertainment, ya filthy animal.

Now, let’s talk about some pot roast.

Mmmm…pot roast.

The following is a solid recipe from AllRecipes.com that I made a couple of minor edits to…

Marie’s Easy Slow Cooker Pot Roast (With edits from moi to make RUBY’S DELICIOUS POT ROAST)

• 4 pounds chuck roast *Does this recipe think I am made of money? I prefer getting a decent sized piece of chuck roast, but, this week, I went for the diced pot roast meat because rent is due soon. Anyway, follow your heart and your wallet. 

• salt and pepper to taste *I add a little somethin-somethin’ extra to season the meat, which I’ll of course elaborate on later.

• 1 packet dry onion soup mix *I guess I should say that I make my own unique spice blend…Meh, I just use McCormick’s “Savory Pot Roast” mix.
• 1 cup water *I read somewhere to instead substitute beef stock. While I am intrigued, I still only have the chicken stock from the disastrous Beef Burgundy, so I decided not to chance it  and just used water. But I used Britta water since DC water has lead in it and will probably destroy us all one day.

• 3 carrots, chopped *I luuuuurve baby carrots. I don’t even know how many of those babies I threw in. Possibly 15.
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3 red potatoes, peeled and cubed *I actually like potato skins so no peeling was done this day. And I used 4 potatoes because I couldn’t remember how many to get when I was at the store. Whoops.
• 1 stalk celery, chopped *I didn’t use celery because CELERY IS FOR THE BIRDS.
• *PENULTIMATE SECRET LIZZIE INGREDIENT = 2 cloves of garlic, diced real nice.
• *ULTIMATE SECRET LIZZIE INGREDIENT = 2-3 sweet potatoes, sliced into discs.

  

Oh hey, Barry.

Allow me once more to deviate regarding my recipe additions. Let’s start with my ultimate ingredient, sie sweet potato.

When I first made this recipe, Boyfriend and I had just moved and thus I tried to embrace the hipster lifestyle that is Washington, DC’s U Street Corridor and natürlich went to a farmer’s market.

It was mobbed by other yuppies such as myself and I slowly became overwhelmed and panicked as I was trying to procure my pot roast ingredients.

My sisters often say my kindred spirit is Beeker.

The last ingredient I needed was the red potatoes. At that point, a mob of women descended upon the farm tent and so I just grabbed 3 entities that were labeled “red potatoes” and then ran away. That night as I prepped the pot roast and was sane once more, I realized that the labeled “red potatoes” were in fact sweet potatoes.

I mean, in all fairness to the foreign farm stall vendors, sweet potatoes are red on the inside.

So I chopped them up and threw them in with the rest of the pot roast ingredients. And from that happiest of mistakes, I discovered that there’s nothing I like better than tender, pot roast infused sweet potatoes that Ruby lovingly stewed.

Huzzah!

For the penultimate ingredient, I have nothing particularly witty to comment except that garlic cloves always make the world a better place.

Now for seasoning the meat, I think you should do more than just salt and pepper. I suggest seasoning your meat with the Bad Boyz aka Salt, Black Pepper, Steak Seasoning, and Garlic Powder. I just eyeball the amount but in equal parts. This time around it was half tablespoons all around.

I think the Bad Boyz add a little more of a kick to the overall taste of the dish rather than just utilizing the old standbys of salt and pepper.

My attempt at food photography.

Now let’s return to The Directions

1. Season the roast with salt and pepper to taste. *Here’s where I seasoned the roast real nice with the Bad Boyz.

 

Mmm meat.

2. Brown on all sides in a large skillet over high heat, about 4 minutes per side. *Use the EVOO, friends.

 

 Yaaaaaas, cooking meat.

3. Place the roast in the slow cooker and add the soup mix, water, carrots, onion, potatoes, garlic, and celery sweet potatoes. *CELERY = THE BIRDS. I guess I should also say that if you think I led you astray with the sweet potato addition, then you should just stick with the regular red potatoes. Also, please note that I think you are a fool.

Oh, if you will, let me change subjects once more, the sweet potatoes that I gathered for this particular rendition of pot roast were especially massive.

By Zeus’s beard, look at these titans of sweet potatoes.

Anyway, this is Lizzie’s public service announcement to please, please, PLEASE be very careful when slicing sweet potatoes. They put up quite the fight when I sliced them into discs. No seriously, I worked up a sweat cutting those little monsters. I almost had a harder time breaking them than the English did with William Wallace.

RIP Willy and Mel Gibson’s career.

Anywhoooo, let’s continue with The Directions…

4. For optimal flavor, arrange your crock pot as follows (from bottom to top): onions, baby carrots, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, meat, and then artfully sprinkle your diced garlic on top.

5. *I’m actually totally messing with you, arrange your ingredients however you like.

6. *I like prepping my crock pot meals the evening before, so I advise to hold off on adding the pot roast packet mix and water until the following morning.

7. Cover and cook on Low setting for 8 to 10 hours. *Meh, there’s a slight chance that I let it cook for 11 hours.

 

Oh T-Swift…there are no words.

8. Come home and open your crock pot’s lid for a good stir and this beautiful sight.

ERMERGERD, PERT RERST!!!

9. Serve into heaping portions and enjoy.

Oh and Boyfriend’s review: he thought it was good but wanted more meat.

 

Tschüss!

Sie Lizzie D